Recovering the Siren Read online

  “I didn’t think of that,” I admitted, sighing heavily and hugging him tighter. “It was probably stupid, but then again, you’re mine and now you have the protection of Iran. So do the boys. So does your family, Bri. I hate blaming this on my siren because it wasn’t her fault, but she finally seemed to wake up, and I’ve been scared how weak her and my wolf have been. I jumped to keep her interested.”

  “Was it hot?” he grumbled, sounding like he was pouting.

  “Want Dain to show you?” I offered. “When everyone goes, if you really want to know what happened, I’m fine with Dain showing you.”

  “Thank you,” he sighed, kissing my neck. “I know I’m closed off in a way I didn’t realize, and I’m working on that, but I feel like there’s some part of you I can’t reach and it makes me… Anxious. Not jealous but anxious like I can’t reach you or be what you need.”

  “I feel the same, Bri. I feel the same,” I promised him. “I love you.”

  “I love you too. Will you wear my bracelet tonight?”

  “Yeah, I was planning on it. You joining me for that shower?”

  “We’ll end up having sex again. Apparently I’m needy.”

  “I like pouty Brian now and again.” I did. It was a side of him I knew only I saw, and I loved that.

  “You’re spending time with Bijan tonight after the party, right?”

  “Yes as soon as I can ditch out of this thing.”

  He leaned back and frowned. “You don’t want to go?”

  “Not even a little bit,” I admitted as I slid off the counter and turned on the shower. “There’s just so much shit and tension, and I want people to get along better, but it’s too much right now, and add to that the funeral that—”

  “What funeral?” he asked, groaning when I filled him in that the vampire murders were tied to Vlad and if it was straight revenge, there was no way they wouldn’t show at his funeral and make sure he was really dead if they were in town. If it was something else, they would probably come as well. Or at least that was what I was betting on given the news would shock them out of their plan.

  Or just give them another target after announcing Vlad had a fiancée. He didn’t, but it was the best plan when we had nothing else. No video, no prints, no nothing.

  So trap it was.

  We took a quick shower, and I realized Brian was staring when I got out and grabbed a towel. “What?”

  He cleared his throat and turned off the water before joining me. He moved his hands to my ass and then ran them up to cup my breasts, kissing my neck.

  “I’m glad your curves are coming back. I know you’ve always been self-conscious like we all are, but I’ve always loved them. I love your full breasts and firm ass that fill everything perfectly. If you ever wanted to lose weight, I would have supported you even though I didn’t think you had any to lose. You were beautiful even without it all, but it being taken from you killed me.

  “It kills me that you play with your hair and give us looks like you’re less to us. You aren’t. I’m so fucking in love with you and more so for what you’re surviving and pushing through that I don’t care about your hair. Keep it short. Do whatever you want. I just want you and you to heal.”

  I swallowed loudly, nodding. “I want my body back. I want my hair back. It’s not even about being petty or superficial. It’s seeing the reminder all the time and in the mirror. I know I’m more than my hair or breasts, but it’s all I can see right now. All I see is it’s gone or not what it was.”

  “I know. I know I probably shouldn’t have said something, but I didn’t want to just ignore it and what you’re feeling.”

  I turned in his arms and moved my hands behind his head, pulling him down for a kiss. “Thank you. I love that you don’t just brush it aside and make sure I know what I’m feeling or worried about is valid. It’s hard for me to talk about, so thank you for making sure I do.”

  “Always,” he promised against my lips. “Have fun if you can tonight and call me if you need me.”

  “Actually, I wanted to ask a favor,” I admitted as I pulled away and hurried to dry off. I told him about what I thought might be going on with Axel and that I’d wanted him to speak with Harris, but Harris was having his own stuff in Vegas from what Monroe had told me.

  “I know, I handled it,” Brian told me. “I spoke with Monroe and Harris. It wasn’t even about your division or whatever since the division chief had been promoted from another office. It was what he heard about cheetahs being overly aggressive and abusive. He was worried about someone like that being in charge of a team in Vegas after the last cheetahs to come to town did so much bad. He didn’t know Harris was part of helping take care of that.”

  “Good, I’m glad it’s worked out.”

  “I’ll talk to Axel too,” he said after a moment. “I noticed he was getting jealous too, which didn’t seem his way, but yeah, it makes sense he’s floundering. Both he and Eugene seem to be waiting for the other shoe to drop after quitting the council like they expect retribution or something. I don’t know, but I went through the same after getting out of the Army. I’ll talk to him.”

  “I will show my appreciation with carnal favors,” I promised, smiling when he did. “Have fun tonight.”

  “Oh, Carter told me about what happened with Galvin.” He chuckled when I sighed. “It’s fine. I knew. Carter was right, and even Galvin apologized.”

  “He didn’t need to do that. He apologized to me, and I shouldn’t have reacted like I did. I was too tired to hide the shock.”

  “He didn’t apologize to me because… It’s not like I own you or whatever you’re thinking. He apologized because he might pull me into more of your stuff so you don’t feel uncomfortable being alone with him.”

  I shook my head as I got dressed. “That’s not needed. He has never acted inappropriate with me. He cannot help his thoughts, and we’d just had a conversation about me having sex with two different men. I’m not saying sexual harassment is ever okay, no matter what the woman does or wears, but he only had thoughts after the topic was raised. He knows I’m not interested and it’s fine. Really.”

  “I’m glad, and for the record he was worried because of everything you’ve been through, not that it was such a big thing or you would blow it up.”

  “That’s nice, and I appreciate it, especially him explaining that, but it’s fine. I honestly forgot about it today.”

  “Good, I’m glad.”

  What I couldn’t forget was the kiss he gave me before he left. My lips tingled from it, and I wanted more. I wanted him again, and I wanted fun. My siren and wolf wanted fun.

  “Why are you like one huge hormone?” Reagan asked me when he came with Hagan and my security detail.

  “I’m getting better and she’s hungry,” I admitted, giving him a kiss and feeding. I shivered and did the same to Hagan. We left, and I sort of caught up my wolf and siren, reminding them it wasn’t the time to misbehave while making sure they knew I was glad they were feeling better.

  That went out the window when I locked eyes with Carter in the lobby and he looked delicious in his tux. Add to that the others in my party that would be on my arm that night, and I was seconds from saying “fuck the party and all of you fuck me.”

  “Small sips,” Dain murmured as he gave me a soft kiss. I nodded and fed, getting he was saying that my body was jump starting basically.

  “I think call the doc,” I admitted. “He might need to speak with Eva or Phobie.” I nodded that I was serious. “I’m seconds from demanding all of you fuck me right this second. I can’t have that lack of restraint right now.”

  I made sure to take Axel’s hand while Dain made the call, saying I wanted the tiger to ride with me. He did, not even flinching, and I waited until we were headed to the club to say anything.

  “I asked Brian to talk with you so please don’t think he’s being pushy again.”

  Axel let out a long, slow breath. “I’m floundering. I’m exc
ited for this next chapter and to have a real home again, but yeah, I can’t seem to get my footing, and after all the crazy with your abduction, I’m struggling to not be able to do more to help you recover. I got pissed Eugene could handle this better, and my tiger is really upset not to get to chew someone for what was done to you. Really upset, and I didn’t get it at first.”

  “Thank you for caring enough to think about it and me,” I whispered, leaning in and kissing his cheek. He turned and caught my lips, and every nerve in me lit up. “I don’t want him more than you, and I’m looking very forward to our tiger sex. I know you did a lot, and I’m grateful.”

  He nodded, leaning in closer and sliding his hand over my waist. “You’ve done nothing. You’re always clear. I’m pissed I can’t comfort you like he can or say the right thing. I want to. Please believe I want to, but I wasn’t… I don’t think I’ve ever had the chance to be socialized like that. I was trying to tell you I wasn’t confident in my place with you, and it came out all wrong.”

  “Thanks for explaining.” I rubbed my cheek against his, thrilled when he did the same. “I’m not good either. I will back away while I figure out what I’m feeling, and I love that you’re patient enough to let me. I know that’s not easy.” I kissed him again, hoping he felt I was glad to have him in my life and not because of what he did while I was gone or how he would help the FBI.

  No, I was very glad as a woman.

  “Haton explained to me what happened and apologized for it upsetting me,” he admitted. “She wished us the best and apologized she couldn’t be what I needed.”

  “And you said?” I whispered, thinking that was really big of her and horrible at the same time, as she didn’t do anything wrong, and women apologized for what they shouldn’t too often.

  “That she didn’t have a damn thing to apologize for,” he muttered. “That I think she’s a great person and council member, I always have, but that was what made me back away and nothing she ever did or how she treated me. I never wanted to be with the council forever or be mated to a council member. She never treated me as a tiger but another large cat like her, and I appreciated that.”

  I leaned back and studied him. “You sound like you were thinking you’d retire and live a quiet life or something. That’s not how my life will ever be.”

  He chuckled when the twins snorted, shaking his head. “Not what I meant. This is calm compared to regular council shit, Sera. They are constantly and continuously flexing their muscles and—it’s like one fucked up cage match every godsdamn day. I could never be at the center of that, mated to someone who lived like that. I would lose my fucking mind.”

  “Me too,” I muttered as did the others in the vehicle. “Okay, well, I’m glad we talked. I may suck at it, but Brian’s right and sometimes I have to and don’t realize it.”

  Reagan cleared his throat and waited until I met his gaze in the mirror. “I asked Phobie if I could have a session with you. Nothing is wrong, but I want to talk out some of what I’m feeling, and I don’t know how. I’m scared I could make things worse.”

  I nodded after a moment. “I think that’s smart. It didn’t just happen to me. I know you guys don’t get why I never want to know the warlock’s name, why I don’t want to discuss what might have happened. It gives it all more power to me, and maybe one day I can do it, but I don’t think so. For now, I need to stick a pin in it and just leave it be.”

  “That’s what she said, and it made more sense to me,” Reagan admitted. “Would you be upset if we know?”

  “No,” I answered immediately. “Find out what you need to.” I felt relief in the car and nodded. “I get it. If I was on your side, maybe I would need to know who he was or what they did with his body or whatever, but I do not want to open that can of worms and risk finding out he’s being dissected somewhere too or whatever else my mind might now think of.”

  Yeah, the tension shot back up.

  “Bijan spoke with Laila about starting a joint farm for caviar,” Axel blurted, getting the topic change was sorely needed. “That shit is good and expensive, and it’s been illegal unless farmed because of overfishing in the Caspian Sea. I think they’re talking conservation efforts as well. I mean, yeah, the desert would be a good place for solar farms.”

  “Wind ones too,” I agreed, squeezing his hand in thanks.

  We arrived at the club, which was closed for the event, and the doc came to the dressing room while Gayle quickly did my makeup. I told him and Eva what was going on with me, and both didn’t like the timing, but neither seemed worried.

  “Seraphine, you’re a siren. We are known for our wrath, and right now you have no one to tear out the throat of for what happened to you and those you love,” Eva explained gently. “Give yourself time and a bit of patience to be impatient. We all go through it, and most are flabbergasted you’re not more volatile as a new shifter. You are doing well.”

  “Okay, thanks.” It made sense, and I appreciated the backing, cutting myself some slack.

  Until about an hour into the party when I blew my mother fucking top.

  When the party started, I fed my wolf and took small sips of power from those in my party, giving my other sides what they needed while reminding them we had plans to swim naked under the moon and have hot sex. They just needed to hang on with me and then we could go wild.

  But the more people I spoke with… My temper just couldn’t take it.

  I went over to the stage and picked up the microphone as someone killed the music, getting I was up to something. They probably thought it was a greeting or welcome.

  Silly people.

  “There seems to be some misunderstanding as to this event,” I told everyone when they quieted down. “Let me clear that up.” I glanced around and met gazes. “We don’t need you.” I gestured to the other Chicago paranormal leaders who looked fabulous and all put together standing together. “We. Don’t. Need. You. We have our shit together, and we’re doing great. All our people have jobs, and my Betas make six figures from the tithe.”

  I gave a few moments to let shock, jealousy, and anger that I was calling people out sink in.

  “So, now that I’ve made that clear, I suggest you stop with the shit. I’m not going to overlook your tax evasion—which the FBI doesn’t handle, the IRS does—because you back the American Paranormal Alliance. I’m not going to trade you female wolves for support because they are people and not fucking trading cards. I’m not going to add you as my consort or mating candidate to do business with you.

  “You are not needed. We have alliances with Greece and the fae, and we’ve worked with Memphis, Vegas, Des Moines, and others, and all have prospered. That is what this is. We’re offering you a chance to join progress. We are progressing past the way things have been that hurt too many and left some of you in horrible positions and everyone in power around you abusing your people.

  “That is what needs to change. Enough with the ass sniffing and ‘my power is more than yours.’ While you have been so focused on that and your territory, people are dying. Do you get that? Shifters are being sold or live harvested or hunted like animals. Humans are freezing some out, and packs are living in poverty. There are covens who can’t get enough blood because it’s been fucked with and they are in trouble.

  “This alliance is a chance to end that. You can’t get safe blood where you’re at and need money? Okay, well, how about taking a few weeks in Vegas where it’s a thrill to have a vampire bite you and you can work at the hotel while their people get a vacation? It’s not about spying or looking to take over. That has to end. This is no longer the age of that, and more harm can be done with technology and news reports than you are paying attention to.”

  “And you are queen of all of this?” someone yelled out. “We won’t bow to Chicago.”

  I shrugged. “Then don’t. No one asked you to. I don’t want you to. I just said enough with the power plays and bullshit. I started this idea with Memphis, Des Moines, and
a few others. If you want to join us, this is what we’re doing. If you don’t, then don’t.”

  “You’re thinking of this as pulling packs under her umbrella or old alliances, which is completely different,” Virgil added, moving towards the stage and jumping up. “Stop. That’s not what this is.” He gestured to someone in the group. “I’ve met Seattle, and I told Sera that and I knew he was a good Alpha who didn’t pull the shit we don’t like. He’s not a dictator over his pack.

  “He treats them like people, and that’s who we’ll deal with. Melicent’s Beta met with Boston and felt the same. So they came, and now we all know their brewery and would buy from them because that’s what this is. Think of it like the humans have their Better Business Bureau or business associations like we have in Memphis. That’s what this is. I’m talking with Seattle about maybe selling our organic beef at their farmers’ markets.”

  “I didn’t think of that,” I admitted, nodding it was good. “I get some of you were just confused that I have pack alliances with other packs or I’m involved in other areas with the FBI. This is separate. This is networking so we stop letting the humans hurt us. There are a lot of us in this country and globally. It’s time to stop being defensive and reacting to what is done to us and push past that for progress.”

  Again I gave them a few moments to let that sink in.

  “Let me also be clear that if I find out you’re trading your people like Pokémon cards—as they are US citizens and that’s illegal—or you’re not letting your people transfer or holding them hostage basically, you will have me all up in your shit as FBI. I’m not talking about the rules for a new shifter having to stay until they have control.

  “I’m saying you are not dictators, and if I find out you’re holding people hostage, you won’t have to worry about the council because I will fuck you up all over the place. We lose certain freedoms for the power and extras we have to live in a country that accepts us better than most. That does not make you king of your area or me queen of here. Enough. All of us have oversight, and I have the damn government as mine.”